I was blessed to carry him inside for 6 months, I heard his heartbeat – and it was strong. I felt his flutters – he danced
Just a routine doctor’s visit the Friday after Thanksgiving. I felt like there was something off, it just didn’t feel right, I was told “everything was good but I should try to rest, go home and put your feet up.” I thought maybe I was being foolish after all we had an ultrasound appointment scheduled for Monday and home I went.

I sat singing, praying and rubbing my belly all day long. Talking to my sweet Joshua telling him How much I adored him, How I couldn’t wait to see him, and that he was so loved by his family already! I fell asleep into peaceful slumber

I awoke in pain, and an ambulance was called – I apologize because here is where everything goes dark – I remember a lot of talking all around me “that’s a lot of blood”, “we need you to push”, “miscarrying” “The doctor ordered a D & C”, and after “good girl”, “you can rest now”

Joshua – I didn’t hear you cry, I didn’t get to hold you, there was no music playing, no birth certificate – just emptiness.

They moved me to my room, still in the Maternity ward. I could hear the celebration of life all around me. But nobody mentioned my son. Not one person asked me his name. I was dismissed. People never spoke of such things. I was left to mourn alone…

My experience led me to start a remembrance garden, The Joshua Garden. The Joshua Garden is a memorial garden open to the public, giving fathers, mothers, grandparents… a place to celebrate the loss of a child. Whether that child was born still, miscarried or aborted.

And, I have come to realize, every community needs a garden of remembrance.